Every day — really, several times a day — I receive ads from vendors who swear their product can enhance my stamina, extend my member, and turn me into some kind of all-night stallion reminiscent of “Bad Cat, Big Bat.”

(As a side note: who’d want a three-day erection, anyhow? Wouldn’t you eventually have to go out for a pizza or something? -and what if you take this “weekend pill on Saturday instead of Friday? What sort of excuses would you hand to the folks in the office? Really, people, let’s think things through a bit, shall we? But I digress…)

Newsflash: I don’t care. Neither do most men in the 16-35 age group. Why not? Because we have no trouble getting it up; we need help getting it on. Playing the field. Finding women who’ve forgotten to replace their Duracells. Get it? (Such men also have it in their beer-addled heads that they’re sized like a 777 and can stay at “cruising altitude” just as long.) Find a pill that will make the honeys come a’runnin’, and even I may consider dropping the coin.

Either that, or try a different trick with your current offerings. Add your product to a package deal that includes dim light bulbs and Marvin Gaye albums. (No need to include protection. the same idiots that neglect mood music somehow have a stash of Trojans to outlast the GW regime.) Better yet, market to the 18-30 women: “want a good time, in spite of him? Slip some of this in his Budweiser.” You get the deal.

Right now, you’re pushing earplugs on the deaf.

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 20th, 2004 at 19:33:04 and is filed under General. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.