In the US, people like to get their knobs in a twist over what we should and shouldn’t say in public this time of year. Don’t dare drop a “merry Christmas” or “have a kickin Kwanzaa” — you’re liable to find yourself on the business end of a lawsuit.
But we’re also smart enough to realize that politics aren’t people. So in the spirit of Bait’n'Switch, here are some ideas on which we can all agree:
- everything’s better with boobies
- No matter how many middle-aged (and maxi-waged) white men are in roles of power, shavers rule our world
- dry-humping is an expression of half-assed effort
- Richard Pryor was the fucking shiznit
- 2008 can’t get here fast enough (time for someone else to be in charge)
- Mission accomplished! We just have a little… cleanup work left.
- spammers can be some real arrogant mofos
- I’m hungry
Whether you get your presents under a tree, next to the candles, or up your arse — celebrate.
2 Responses to “May You Enjoy Pleasant 2005 Winter Festivities”
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December 28th, 2005 at 18:14:07
I’m offended by the word “festivities.” I am not festive at all. In fact, I prefer “hostilities,” given how much this time of year involves family.
December 28th, 2005 at 22:21:43
Quoth George Carlin, on reporters’ use of the phrase, “luckily, no one was hurt.”
I’m entitiled to decide for myself whether or not injuries to strangers are bad news. I may prefer hearing, “It’s a shame no one was hurt.”