Summer is here, and for a lot of lads (read: lacking a lay-dee) thoughts of vacation romances turn to nature’s second runner-up: porn.

The internet has made buying porn flicks in stores a dying art. Which is why I often see people stumbling into or out of the local porn shop like they’re rank (”wank?”) amateurs. I’ve written up a brief guide to help those of you who decide to venture out for your material.

Don’t try to look too confident on the way in, nor on way out. At least, not if you’re going for that whole “discretion” idea. People can tell when you’re trying too hard. When they see the ever-confident swagger in a guy who looks like he still gets shoved into lockers, well, they know something’s up.

Don’t look like a kiddie-fiddler Dress like you at least have a chance at a date. Leave the bad jeans and ratty t-shirt at home. Lose the four-day-stubble-turned-goatee while you’re at it. -and, just in case this wasn’t obvious, no sweatpants.

Don’t spend too much time looking It’s not fine art, so it’s not like you have to play connisseur. Men are designed to get off on anything that moves back and forth; so just grab a movie and go. (Of course, do a brief skim of the box to make sure it doesn’t involve anything extreme, like farm animals or republicans.) Whatever you do, don’t ask the staff for recommendations.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 25th, 2005 at 05:00:50 and is filed under General. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.