This gem from our yuppie-territory undercover correspondant:

Who the hell makes being low-class a party theme?

Really, have you ever been invited to a Grand Ghetto Gathering? Homeless Happy Hour? Welfare Gone Wild?

(If so, how was the food?)

Ever had to write someone a check for zero dollars?

-I mean, other than when paying your defaulted mortgage..?

Please remember to use the ashtray when extinguishing your butts. The footpath and other assorted public venues are simply not the appropriate place to do so.

Tell him to stand in a circular room and piss in the corner? Likely. Otherwise, just show this little ditty I saw at the Philadelphia airport:

For real, otherwise this guy will track your ass down.

Alright, genius … now what if the fire breaks out upstairs?

Clearly, this plan was devised by a product of the American public school system. -or FEMA.

Wish I could plaster this one all over Lincoln Park, then Seattle, and then the state of Massachusetts…