beef triangle

The image projected from behind by a woman who is wearing a badly fitting pair of jeans, resulting in “points” to the left and right just below her ass, of where cheek becomes thigh - the whole effect is sometimes not entirely displeasing to the eye, but more often is…

Luisa has a beef triangle going on, but is nonetheless hot as hell.

Ever think meteorologists are just marketing dropouts who still managed to find work? Some of the terms they concoct to describe the weather are just laughable.

Last November they gave us “wintry mix” to describe a pairing of snow and freezing rain. Now spring is here and we get wintry mix’s softer, younger sibling: simultaneous appearance of light snow and drizzle is called snizzle.

Excuse me, but “snizzle?” It invokes thoughts of Gin and Juice. Is Snoop Dogg hedging his rap career by playing weatherman on the side?

“Fo shizzle, my nizzles, fiddy percent chance of da mad snizzle afta overnight. Yo yuppie asses best lay off da Tanqueray when you rollin’ yo SUVs to the organic food market. Peace.”

Ah, the esteemed Mr Spitzer…

For all that’s been said about the recent Government Official Paid Too Much For Poonani affair, I can’t help but to notice a rather conspicuous absence:

Quotable lines.

I hardly expect anyone to top Marion Barry’s infamous bitch set me up (which, by the by, we all know Bill Clinton must have uttered once or twice) … but I’d like to think Eliot Spitzer could still give us something worth repeating. We all read the news, we saw the terse statement, and expected more. Came home empty-handed, we did.

This is the same man who, having busted firm after firm, having struck fear in the hearts of publicly-traded companies everywhere, gave us:

Never write when you can speak.
Never speak when you can nod.
-and never put anything in e-mail.

Why be so tight-lipped about spending time with rented lips? Show a little emotion, really!

Perhaps he’s following his own advice, in which case I’d prolly add, “don’t get caught with posh hookers” to that list… but if I were smart enough to say that, I’d prolly be governor of New York. -and so would our recently-deposed friend …

I just received a message from someone named “Chastity,” of the subject:

“Put an end to your love failures.”

Point taken. If anyone comes looking for me, I’ll be in the monastery…

If there’s one thing we’ve always suspected, and the internet has proven, it’s that sexual fantasies are as varied as the human population. -and that, thanks to Google, it’s easy to find like-minded folk if you want others to join in. Animals, corporate offices, emo bands — you name it, and somewhere out there, someone is getting a pants-stain just thinking about it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude. I’ve had sex plenty of times, and at least once or twice with another person. But my fantasies are no match for some old dude playing Nazi-themed leather spanky games with five hookers.

(As Formula 1 cars lack back seats, I suppose this was the next best thing for him? Kudos to the tabloids for no “get your motor running” or “stick shift” jokes. )

Costumes? Foreign languages? Play-acting? Oh for fuck’s sake… How sad must your life be, when plain old Getting Your Freak On no longer satisfies… To do my part, I’m going to go watch some good old-fashioned guy-on-girl (on girl on guy on girl on girl on girl) porn and rejoice the simple things.

Watching hounds go at it, you’ve got to wonder what’s so damn appealing about it. If you’ve done a 69 gone awry, then you’re loathe to think that anything good could come of it. But who knows, perhaps reconstituted kibble is the new parfum of choice?

I don’t know whether to file this under Seen and Heard… or to create a whole new category named Nigga Please. *

Check it:

bank manager: (working with teller) Hmm… Yeh, all of our systems are really slow right now.

me: (having already handed over a not-too-small check** for deposit) Okay …

bank manager: You could leave the check with us, and we’ll deposit it after our systems come back .

me: Erm … I’ll just … wait here. Thanks.

(* For those uncultured twats who don’t get the reference, get some ODB for that azz.)

(** money from pimping, plus my welfare check)

UPDATE: I have created a new Nigga Please! category. This is its first post …