Had it up the rear with the current administration?

Feel it for real with the
G-Dub Butt Plug.

Rumour has it, a new “TSA Drone” model is on the way. Expect a “Tax Man” dildo in April.

I reason there’s two of these to one of these.

Agent to sue over bung claims

Located in Crackpipe County, right off Hashpipe Highway.

In light of my recent rant on new TSA carryon policies:

It has been brought to my attention that sexual lubricants are still permitted in your carryon baggage. That’s right: you don’t have to check your weekend bag for fear you’ll have to buy your astro-glide or K-Y at your destination.

Never mind those of us who will simply be thirsty at 30,000 feet. We will satiate our thirst with thoughts of getting our freak on once we land.

Kinda makes me wonder: did the strong lobbying body that is the Mile-High Club get involved? Yes, we understand the threat of terrorism; but have you ever experienced chapped coqq? -or does airport security provide a complimentary tube, for when they glove you?

This is the Draw Ambassador reporting for duty with a list of things overheard at the office this week. Yes, at the office.

1. “Wow, that’s really asking a lot. I’m going to have to give a thousand BJs to get him to agree.” “Well, whatever it takes, just make sure you give them with enthusiasm.”
2. “Where did you two go? You left the all-employee meeting; I thought you weren’t coming back.”
   “We were chatting.”
   “What about?”
   “Penis size and anal sex.”
3. “I think my tits were falling out during the meeting; why didn’t anyone stop me?”
4. “What? I don’t want any more testing of this application until it GAs and clients have it. Then we’ll start load testing.”

Unless you’ve been living in a cave (mind you, that might be safer than the alternative) you have heard of the new TSA carry-on rules. Yes, folks, thanks to some wanker terrorists and their evil plot, liquids of pretty much any kind are verbotten in aircraft. Lotions, potions, even drinking water will get you an official TSA glove-love job. Never mind that air travel dehydrates you worse than binge drinking… and I suppose it’s asking too much that the airlines now provide potable water onboard?

What’s next to be outlawed, bodily fluids? “Sir, but we saw you browsing that issue of Stroke. Please evacuate your system before boarding.”

We all know where this is going, don’t we? So let’s cut to the chase: fluids don’t kill people, people kill people. Take the bloody people off planes and we’d all be fine! I don’t mean some silly racial profiling, either. I mean take all people off planes. Because if Little Johnny Jagoff doesn’t board the plane, his luggage and suicide agenda get left behind and commercial aviation is safe. He’ll have to settle for dreaming of smuggling explosives as fantasy wank material.

-and yes, I said “he.” Not “she,” not “he/she” or some other nonsense. Lady Martyrdom involves dating the fattish guy so her friend gets the hunk. Self-destruct requires pints of Ben & Jerry’s. (Heroin and ice cream: death by spoon.) Women will sacrafice their asses, then spend a week on a crash diet so they can live to die another day.

And what convinces the lads to go off and be suicide bombers, anyway? Women are involved somehow. “It’d be so sexy if you were to explode yourself. I’d ride you all night long when you got back.” C’mon, we all know at least one guy who would fall for it.
I reason it goes the other way, too. Commit suicide, that’s a Get Out Of Relationship Free card. It’s easier than those terrible break-up conversations — unless you totally puss out and do it by text message — and certainly less expensive than divorce.

Hmmm… Now there’s an idea…