… Make room for The Metalizer.

Funny even when you’re not drunk as fuck.

Pagan Totem

erm, yeh…

Well, that’s too long…

Since you were wondering, I am propping for the Vieux Glands du Chesnay this season, a club located in the lush shopping suburb of Le Chesnay just north of Versailles. Nothing has changed au Chesnay since 1977. Check out the logo of the Parly 2 shopping center:

It’s still the one that’s actually in front of the building! I’ve had to grow sideburns and wear platform shoes just to take the bus into town. Needless to say, after a (rare) good rugby play, it’s low-fives all around.

Anyway, it has been a mixed year for the Glands. We got crushed in our opening game… and in our second game… and in our third. We lost a close fourth game–but I wasn’t there. I was still running from a couple of Irish mingers who attacked me in a bar the night before. By the time I knew what was going on, it was game time… and I had fled to rural Belgium (aka “not Brussels”). Or so it seemed. So I missed that one. Then, finally, the Japanese, my former club, came to town. We bravely battled to a 7-6 victory against a team that has never won a match. Good times afterward, though–beer, sushi and servile Japanese wives. Aaaah, the memories. The next week, we played “les Gars de Nantes” (the guys from Nantes–wtf kind of a name is that?!?) and drew a spirited match 5-5.

Unfortunately, with my imminent move back to Boston, I might have played my last game with the Vieux Glands. I hope that this will not be the case. I’ll keep you posted. In the words of the song we end every match with: “Toucher…. toucher la chatte de la voisine….”

Actual item for sale at Ikea:

snudda

I’ll leave this one up to your imagination.

No photos, of this one, sorry:

Ribba

I’ll take two, please:

Look for other Swedish fun this week.

In the US, people like to get their knobs in a twist over what we should and shouldn’t say in public this time of year. Don’t dare drop a “merry Christmas” or “have a kickin Kwanzaa” — you’re liable to find yourself on the business end of a lawsuit.

But we’re also smart enough to realize that politics aren’t people. So in the spirit of Bait’n'Switch, here are some ideas on which we can all agree:

• everything’s better with boobies
• No matter how many middle-aged (and maxi-waged) white men are in roles of power, shavers rule our world
• dry-humping is an expression of half-assed effort
• Richard Pryor was the fucking shiznit
• 2008 can’t get here fast enough (time for someone else to be in charge)
• Mission accomplished! We just have a little… cleanup work left.
• spammers can be some real arrogant mofos
• I’m hungry

Whether you get your presents under a tree, next to the candles, or up your arse — celebrate.