Dear Lay-deez,
Summer’s a’comin’, and I know you’re all anxious to show off the goods (and bads). Allow me to offer some humble advice:
1/ If you don’t have an ass, don’t pretend. You want junk in the trunk, but you’re stuck with a hatchback. If your goal was a J-Lo rear, why did you spend all winter bonding with your stairmaster? Ho-hos exist for a reason.
Don’t you dare compensate with that silly walk. Sticking your arse out like that not only fails to enhance your posterior; it gives the impression your lunch didn’t sit well. Better luck next year!
2/ Mow the back yard, too. Low-rise pants are certainly en vogue, yes, but they require extra maintenance. Today I had the displeasure of seeing a lay-dee who clearly fancied herself a shaver… but she forgot that low-rise pants are low in back, too. Good job. That beats out the chick with plubmer’s crack I saw last week.
That is all.
