Results from the FatMans Research Labs:

Monster sandwiches rule!

Except I’d change “drink a martini” to “smoke some crack” or something like that.

This lad is not likely a hit with the lay-deez:

From: Cole Smallwood
Subject: proud

Road signs I like to see.

This just crossed my desk….
————————
FROM:THE DESK OF THE MANAGING DIRECTOR
BONDSOFTWARE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY
INTERNATIONAL/PRIZE AWARD DEPT

Dear Sir/Madam,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners
International programs held on the 03/03/2005. Your e-mail address
attached to ticket number ZQ3164591-6011 with serial number
7321410,batchnumber VSX/6365/HL/04,lottery ref number DF527711 and drew
lucky
numbers 4-9-17-36-44-78 which consequently won in the 2nd category, you
have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of 500,000.00
EUROS.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Due to mixed up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your
winning information confidential until your claims has been processed
and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol
to
avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some
past winners.
All winners were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from
over 50,000 company and 6,000,000,000 individual email addresses and
names from all over the world.This promotional program takes place
every year.
This lottery was promoted and sponsored by Association of software
producers.However,you have authomatically qualified to take part in our
next year 20 million(Euros)international lottery.
To file for your claim, please contact our paying officer;

Contact Person
Mr.TONY MATT
Email:fildelitysecfin@netscape.net

Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 28TH of
march,2005.After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in
the next stake.Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and
complications remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers
in all correspondence.

Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent
as soon as possible.You are required to communicate ONLY with the
payment office stated above in all your correspondence.

Congratulations once more from our members of staff.

Note:If you are under the age of 18yr,you are automatically
disqualified.

Sincerely,

Mrs.Veronica Croft
Lottery Cordinator

Another match in Chevilly, another loss… this time with the Cocks, some of whom behaved a bit like cocks after the match. To be fair, the 4-3 decision was a tough one for us. We had only 17 Cocks (compared to the 20+ we usually have) for the match, and at least five of our best players were in bed with the flu. I got a bit of a knock in the first half and was a Cock with a limp ater that, and there were other limping Cocks as well. Plus, we faced a referee who called a lot of penalties on us and not many on the other team. Two of the guys from Chevilly told me after the match that the ref had been too hard on the Cocks, that the match should have been a draw. Peu importe, really. The fact is that the Cocks were bloated and out of shape from going almost a month with no action. The Cocks managed to explode in the first half, but went flaccid in the second, losing a 3-1 lead and, at the last minute, the match. Referees and limping Cocks aside, we played like crap. Unfortunately, after the Cocks’ first loss of the season, some Cocks didn’t want to admit their own softness and blamed the loss on everything but themselves. Bad form. In two weeks, the Cocks and the Japanese will have a match on the same day… I am leaning toward turning Japanese, but we’ll see.

Sandra Bollocks
Hillary Skank, or possibly Hillary Stank

Have any young ladies of erotic cinema begun using these names yet? Also, is Hillary Swank the first actress to win an Oscar using a legit porn-star name?