Nice spam:

I just wanted to know if you would like to accompany me.
My Asshole Husband works night shifts, which makes me very lonely at night

Sorry, babe, but I work nights.
and my boss is a real asshole…

Heyyyyyy…..

Greetings, all.

I took a brief holiday this past weekend, which means I got to spend time in an airplane. As much as I travel, people would get the idea that I actually like being in those tin cigars. Think again. It’s not a fear of flying, per se (it’s pretty simple physics when you get down to it), nor is it a fear of terrorists (they’ve been defeated, right?). No, I just don’t like being in a cramped space for so long.

When I wasn’t pondering the meaning of life, or plotting the nastygram I’m sending to my preferred airline (they were playing foreman of the Fuckup Factory this weekend), I allowed myself to be distracted by my surroundings. Strange thoughts come to me at 35,000 feet:

Yes, it’s true. Wednesday is Chinese New Year and it’s The Year of the Cock.

Let us celebrate and fêter our penises with the bravado and love they so richly deserve for the next 365!

This week, the Cocks played our best match of the year vs. the Tempetes, the team I played for when I played in my first-ever rugby match almost two years ago. In the first half, the Cocks were getting pounded. We gave up a try and then quickly equalized in fine fashion before literally giving away a second try. It was rough going for us in the first half. At halftime, the Cocks were down, 3 tries to 2. In the second half, though, the Cocks surged ahead, physically dominating the tempetes with a driving maul and some tricky ball movement. A blocked kick (you might say the kicking Tempete was Cock-blocked) led to a game-tying try, and a hard surge from the Cocks a bit later on put the ball over the line again. The Cocks emerged victorious, 4-3, in a high-quality match in which both teams played well. The Tempetes are still the sympa bunch of guys I played with before heading for Rotterdam a couple of years back, it must be said. A fine time was had all around; it was a good day to be a Cock.

I don’t know what to say about this

OLALLA, Wash. - “Jake 2.0″ didn’t cut it with viewers, and a couple who named their son Jake Matthew Thompson 2.0 are finding the numerical part doesn’t cut it with businesses and government agencies.

Although decimal designations are commonly used for successive versions of computer software, many computers can’t seem to handle it for human names, parents Kyle Thompson and Dawn Carpenter have been told.

Their son was born on Feb. 4, 2004, a couple of months after the UPN science fiction show was canceled after less than four months on the air, but they still liked the name.

“He’s like an upgrade of us, the better version,” Thompson said.

The state birth certificate, however, reads “Jake Matthew Thompson Two Point Zero,” the child’s Social Security (news - web sites) card reads simply “Jake Matthew Thompson” and Gerber Baby Foods was unable to fill an order for a “Jake 2.0″ spoon, sending one that said merely “Jake” with the birth date.

Overheard: “hey, I’m trying to offer you my gap!”

Seen: Volkswagen Beetle, with wind spoiler.

Seen 2: Hooptie with GPS unit.

Speaking in hypotheticals… What would most likely be the result of the following scenario?

“At the arraignment, note to bailiff: Your daughter’s tied up in a Brooklyn basement.”