That’s right, folks, two for the price of one! These spammers just keep getting better and better:

“Ok cunt” — didn’t Radiohead do this album already? or is this a rating? (It’s not great; it’s just good… but it’s better than the nothing you’re getting now!)

“brain cummings” — I’ve heard of brain farts, but not this. I don’t even want to think about what this would be. The rest of the Bait’n'Switch crew are welcome to ponder.

…talk about a misnomer: “soft tabs,” for a product that’s supposed to induce rigidity?

Worst. Marketing. Research. Ever.

Every day — really, several times a day — I receive ads from vendors who swear their product can enhance my stamina, extend my member, and turn me into some kind of all-night stallion reminiscent of “Bad Cat, Big Bat.”

(As a side note: who’d want a three-day erection, anyhow? Wouldn’t you eventually have to go out for a pizza or something? -and what if you take this “weekend pill on Saturday instead of Friday? What sort of excuses would you hand to the folks in the office? Really, people, let’s think things through a bit, shall we? But I digress…)

Newsflash: I don’t care. Neither do most men in the 16-35 age group. Why not? Because we have no trouble getting it up; we need help getting it on. Playing the field. Finding women who’ve forgotten to replace their Duracells. Get it? (Such men also have it in their beer-addled heads that they’re sized like a 777 and can stay at “cruising altitude” just as long.) Find a pill that will make the honeys come a’runnin’, and even I may consider dropping the coin.

Either that, or try a different trick with your current offerings. Add your product to a package deal that includes dim light bulbs and Marvin Gaye albums. (No need to include protection. the same idiots that neglect mood music somehow have a stash of Trojans to outlast the GW regime.) Better yet, market to the 18-30 women: “want a good time, in spite of him? Slip some of this in his Budweiser.” You get the deal.

Right now, you’re pushing earplugs on the deaf.

I have covered myself in shame, among other things, today because I watched several episodes of Viva la Bam on MTV2 last night and enjoyed them, possibly thoroughly. I’ve always thought that Viva was the dumbest show non-French show on French TV, which is saying a lot given that we get Whoopi Goldberg’s sitcom here. But, I was drawn in by Don Vito, a sort of uber-FatMans and (I gathered, although I really wasn’t paying that much attention) a friend or relative of Bam’s father, whose own FatMans credentials are beyond reproach. Don Vito has a quick and violent temper, but, given that he is so fat he can barely stand up, he can’t really do damage to anyone or anything that isn’t immediately in front of him. Watching him go off and throw his little arms around like a lobster flailing on its back was funny enough to keep me interested. When he got thrown out of a casino, the show moved from comedy to high comedy. I still figure that show is about half fake, as we’d say in Texas (Bam’s mother’s reactions seem too rehearsed) but it goes well with booze swilling. I recommend it post-porn because once you’ve seen Don Vito not even lesbian Swedes will get your sword out of its sheath for the rest of the night.

These just keep on comin’. I’m doing my part for you, the loyal BaitNSwitch reader, to filter out the nonsense and the sub-par.

Today’s winner: “V1AGRA: Don’t stop until she passes out!”

So, taking this “V1AGRA” must make you the manly equivalent of exhaust fumes. Not a product I’d wanna buy.

There is no one in contention for this coveted award just yet.

Tropical pantee.

Thinking that we should do a sequel to Jackie Brown == pantee brown.