Recent spam: Internet Explorer Star Wars Destiny’s Child.

The bad, the good, and the ugly.

First post of the new year! May it not be a pue year.

I received plenty of spam this holiday season (I’d have rathered a lump of coal), and it’s only right that I share:

Scary shit - Puritanical Pictures of American Nightmares - W in office. Oh wait, that’s real.

I need to sell rolex watches before Christmas - Three words, my brother: New York City. Two more words: 42nd Street.

Get ADULT Channels FOR NOTHING — ho hum, you still get your porn on television? How… pedestrian.

The news is good on the economy - east of the Atlantic, yes.

why is his boyfriend in pain — four words: Craftmatic Adjustable Wang Harness.

norwegian sperm - from Norwegian wood?

I received spam from a “Phil Colon” today.

’nuff said.

Recent spam:

From: Bernie Shaver

When I said I wanted more shavers, that’s not quite what I meant…

Other shareworthy spam subjects:

blameworthy bard — helluva band name here.

foamy stableman — ditto.

bondage enstatite — I just had to look up the word “enstatite” for this one. Per Webster’s, it is “a mineral of the pyroxene group, orthorhombic in crystallization.” Hm, Pyroxene Bondage. Not quite as cool a band name as Martyr Geese, but a fine runner up.

Everyday soft - very low price — Yeh: free. Just think about the exchange rates. Not even a Swedish model lovefest will get you to salute.

“Munitions O. Mossier”
SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: Ready, willing and able! PussyCramps

Overweight? Want a change? — Yes. -and no. So pass the pie, already!

Cosmopolitan Personals : Do you need someone to touch — Wasn’t that Jefferson Airplane? I hear Grace Slick beltin’ out this tune. -or perhaps Jim Carrey, in that scene from The Cable Guy.

Hey Stud — I almost thought this one was legit. The lady who sized me for my Craftmatic Adjustable Wang Harness mails me all the time.

Did you know? You can live and work in the USA! — You sure can, so long as you carry a blue passport.

Re: Criminal investigation . . — Crime? As in, the pathetic performance of the US dollar vs the Euro or GB Pound? I’m a’gettin’ pounded, that’s for damn sure. I may as well be wearing a cocktail dress in a prison yard.

‘Tis the season of giving (and taking), so I’ll share with you highlights from the past week’s spam:

longing for real sex –
Who isn’t? Are there people longing for fake sex? “These daily supermodel orgies are nice and all; but I could really go for a solo mission now and then. You know, some me time.”

save your morphine –
There’s a shortage? -or are you saying I’ll soon need more than the normal dose?

Difficult folk, these women! –
Way to state the obvious. Call me when you have a solution.

your girlfriend needs to cope with the pain –
Being well-endowed is a burden, but we all have our crosses to bear. Having a Craftmatic Adjustable Wang Harness sure makes that easier, though.

The US is giving away 50000 green cards! –
Does DHS know about this? They might be interested.