college degrees based on experience — this place would issue a lot of degrees in wanking and time-wasting

Tired of making a Salary — no, just tired of earning one. There’s quite a difference.

Extra power. Don’t think. Just act. — This one clearly had an effect on our current administration.

Never be intimidated by sex again! — As in, having sex? Never. Getting? Perhaps…

Play palmOne’s Reward Yourself Game — This one’s in a category all its own. palms… self-rewarding… this can go nowhere good.

(OK, that last one’s not really spam, per se; but as it was caught in my spam trap, I have carte blanche to use it here.)

The weekly spam roundup:

Winter Special - Buy 1 and Get 1! — doesn’t sound like quite such a deal

Looking for not expensive high-quality software? We might have just what you need. — Linux?

Need some gift ideas for Valentines Day? How about getting that ’special someone’ a High-Quality replica Rolex watch? — sure, nothing says “I’m a cheap fuck” quite like fake bling

Develop another 3 inches — can I spray this between airline seats?

We Are the Best Pzimmerle — that’s fantastic, but what’s a Pzimmerle? Can I buy it at Bamzu?

Nice spam:

I just wanted to know if you would like to accompany me.
My Asshole Husband works night shifts, which makes me very lonely at night

Sorry, babe, but I work nights.
and my boss is a real asshole…

Heyyyyyy…..

Never worry about Erectile Dysfuntion again! — get neutered!

Good news regarding the economy — oh wait, that’s from European news

Need a little help getting an erection? — “getting,” no. “getting rid of,” yes.

Cheaper and Stronger than V:I:A:G:R:A!! — yes: youth

You need only 15 minutes to prepare for the night of love! — for most guys, it’s over long before the 15-minute mark. Either that, or she’s dozed off waiting to you to get going…

What’s great is when spammers make programming errors. Check out the following template fuckup:


%CHILL
%DICK

%BYE
%ASSHOLE n


For the uninitiated, variables in Windows batch/script language usually have the percent signs on both sides of the word.

“Misplaced C. Manure” RE: Hrony Prsotitutes fucekd by huge dick : Misplaced manure? So there’s where my keys are!

“Cheerleader G. Filament” irls cheating : How this my problem?

ces” Reply: Wet Next Door Girl Get teased and pleased : Foch? Is he French?

knowledge” Fw: Wild Wemon horny as hell: Hmmm.. I posit that dulicimers R knowledge!

culates” RE: Average Lady wants to meet you: FatMans, I think she wants you, Dtrexx ejaculated.

ndricks” Re: Mature Wmeon cheap fuck
: Nice html tags in this one….

Let’s play a little free association game, using spam subjects:

No where is it cheaper — US dollar, in Europe

copies of the ill-fated - Farenheit 9/11 on video

depressant - wedding ring

bad wife - redundant

pigging - out

Gain Muscle Mass - pie

Married whores - salaried employment

Lowers blood pressure and cholesterol - divorce

the big unit - “self-portrait”

Become significant - commit a crime